If it's real

If it's not real

You can't hold it in your hand

You can't feel it with your heart

And I won't believe it

But if it's true

You can see it with your eyes

Oh even in the dark

And that's where I want to be, yeah.

~Paramore

When something is real you know it! And when it's not sometimes you want it to be real so badly that start believe it. When Johnny died I pretty much convinced myself that it was like the end of the Bourne Ultimatum and Johnny was just gonna sit up and say "PSYCH! I got you good!" But he didn't and I wouldn't believe it. I started to cry hoping it would change the words on the page but I still didn’t believe it. In my mind Johnny was in a beach house somewhere laughing it up with  Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. However, just because I believed it didn’t make it true. When Dally committed suicide I gave up on Johnny and felt unforgivably guilty but I knew it must be true. The truth is a tricky thing. It can be misinterpreted, bent, broken, twisted, and flat out destroyed. But sometimes there is more than one right way of looking at the truth. I could have looked at those two unexpected deaths as depressing and stupid, or I could look at them as the start of something – a fresh start.  Thank you S.E. Hinton! You made me look at life differently!

~Elise (Stay gold!)